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What's Wrong with Modern Marriage? CHAPTER V In this chapter we want to point out briefly the design in marriage. A failure to see this design often leads to the wrong road in marriage. Observing from the many courses of present day marriage, we would conclude that there are too many designs in marriage to mention them all. The fact is that many such marriages invent designs that were never intended by the Creator. In general there are three separate designs in marriage, yet each links with the other to form one great design. Success in marriage will grow out of an understanding of this design, and the application of the same. 1. FOR COMPANIONSHIP. In the beginning God saw that it was not good for man to be alone, so He created for him "an help meet" (Gen. 2:18). In the first place man was not designed himself to live alone; his natural desire is for companionship. Among all the animals of creation not one was suitable to serve in this office, so a creature in the likeness of man was provided. Woman found her place in the world, and a place that no other can fill. A natural yearning for companionship of the opposite sex finds fulfillment in the marriage union, and this companionship was intended to last for the life of the two. For some few men it may seem best for them to remain single through life, but for the great majority companionship is an essential part of their lives. God in His great wisdom knew this fact and made provision for it. The encouragement and assistance that man needs through life are provided in the woman. The security that woman needs is found in the man. I do not say that every marriage terminates in this successful work, but it is a design in the marriage. Companionship in times of sorrow is very essential. No person can supply that assistance as can a good husband or wife. In the course of marriage each of the two should strive to accomplish this design and be a real companion to the other in days of sorrow and sickness. But more, companionship is needed in hours of enjoyment and entertainment. Most every man and woman enjoy having company to share their hours of happiness and joy. When success comes to a man, it becomes a greater success when he has one with whom to share his success. The same truth applies to the woman. In whatever walk of life man or woman finds themselves, companionship is useful and necessary. God knew this and so designed marriage. But more important still is the companionship in spiritual development. It is hardly possible for two so widely separated in their religious endeavor to be companions in this most important phase of any man's life. Realizing that true Christianity cannot compromise with error, the religious point of view should become a very important part in the design of marriage. Children in a religiously divided home are to be pitied. The frustration and conflict between mother and father breeds infidelity in many cases. How can a Christian man continue his spiritual duty to God with a companion in opposition? Or how can a Christian woman serve her God in the right way under the adverse life of an evil companion? The gap in their religious lives is too wide to bridge over with the other phases of companionship. Every man needs companionship in religion. A design in marriage is to provide this companionship, and it should not be abused. Man is not destined to dwell upon this earth forever. A time will come when he must take leave of time and timely things. What will his final destiny be under evil and adverse companionship? We must set our faces toward the higher and holier things of life. Right religious companionship is of most importance in the design of marriage. Man further needs social companionship. The affairs of society are so constructed that the marriage relation is the only place where some social events are improved. The gatherings of unmarried sometimes are a disgrace to civilization. The social companionship of marriage helps provide the necessary qualities to satisfy the desires and wants of man and woman. A good companion in the social realm is a jewel. This sort of companionship will assist in building a real society. 2. FOR PROCREATION. The marriage union involves more than just the desire and need for companionship; its purpose includes bringing children into the world and rearing them under proper influence. A failure to invest in this blessing of marriages is often a cause of dissolved marriages. The joys of parenthood cannot be told in words, nor can one who has never enjoyed the company of children in the home realize what it means. The obligations of parents make life a worthwhile thing. We hear the Lord commanding the married to "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth" (Gen 1:28). The duty of bringing children into the world is a God-given office of marriage. You may say, "This is not for me," but the real happiness of marriage will never be realized unless this purpose is included in the plans for marriage, if, of course, the two are physically able to accomplish this. The method of procreation is an orderly and honorable one. The children born out of wedlock are destined to hardships and shame in society. One who is so inhuman as to lay upon an innocent child this yoke for life deserves the worst punishment and outcast of society. Likewise the father or mother who will unwillingly bring children into the world and then place them upon the mercy of society should be classed among the most dangerous criminals. If there is anything that will raise the fighting blood of a father or mother who understands and loves the design of marriage, it is the parents of a child who hate and punish it for coming into that union. There will never be real happiness for that couple in this world nor in that which is to come. Children should be planned in marriage. That is one of its duties. Furthermore, plans should be made for the children. A marriage that begins with the desire for children and the careful planning for their arrival will suffer little of the disappointments of failure. The plans for children will bind the cord of love around the two so that it will never break. In the child the two have actually and literally become "one flesh." That child is as much of one as of the other, and as long as it lives the blood of the two can never be separated. Regardless of the courts of law and divorce, the two are forever one flesh. With the coming of children into the home there come grave responsibilities to the parents, but these are pleasant ones that seal the marriage vows. There is the duty of providing the natural things of life for the child, which things fall upon the shoulders of the father. Then there is the duty of making home life what it should be to the child, which concerns the mother. These parental duties are serious and laborious but pleasant. A real joy in marriage will be found in performing them. Surely no marriage can have much design that does not include the bringing up of children "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." 3. TO AVOID FORNICATION. Some do not include this as a design in marriage, but I see not how it can be excluded in the face of the language of the apostle Paul. Marriage is the only place in which the sexual relations of man and woman can be engaged without sin. That being true, it must be one of the designs of marriage. Paul wrote the Corinthians in this manner: "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband" (1 Cor. 7:2). The only logical conclusion from this passage is that in marriage there is no sin. Perhaps we should define the word "fornication." A primary use of the word is "the sexual relations by an unmarried person or persons." The Bible does show a difference between "fornication" and "adultery" in many places, but not always. The word "adultery" is the illegal sexual relations of married persons with one who is not their husband or wife. But the word "fornication" and "adultery" are often used interchangeably in the Bible referring to the same sin. In the fifth chapter of 1 Corinthians Paul speaks of the man who had his father's wife as one guilty of "fornication." Here is a married person guilty of "fornication." Paul says again that it is good for a man not to touch a woman (1 Cor. 7:1). Some have supposed from this that marriage is not good and not the will of God. But the apostle explains the meaning in verse 26 of this chapter. "I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be." The time of persecution in that day made the apostle suggest that marriage was not good then. The Lord said that it was not good for man to be alone when He created him, and certainly Paul did not deny this general truth, but said under the present distress it was best not to marry. But now, to avoid the sin of fornication one should marry, therefore, marriage has a design to avoid fornication for those who cannot be continent. In the next few verses he shows how each is not to deprive the other of his matrimonial rights. This is a natural function of the body and should not be abused. Neither man nor woman should make excessive demands of the other, but use decency and respect in this marriage function. There are many dangers to watch for here. The sin of fornication is grievous to all who engage in it. There is a shameful self-reproach after the overt act that shows the sin. The danger of social disease being spread among unmarried people is both destructive to society and health. Then there are the horror and shame of unwed motherhood. Uncertainty of escaping the reproach and outcast by society and God is something that should curb this dreadful sin. Nothing more than the immediate satisfaction of fleshly lusts can be realized in such relations, and with the shame and disgrace, it is not worth it. I must warn that this is not the ONLY or FOREMOST design of marriage, although, many enter marriage for this purpose alone. Those who do so are certain for disappointment and their marriage will accomplish little more than that. This design is a blessing when used in a reasonable and scriptural way. All design in marriage is found in these three parts: The needed companionship for man and woman; the procreation of the human race, providing the needed education for children as well as other physical requirements; and the finding of sexual expression under the scriptural and lawful marriage, avoiding the sin of fornication. Realizing this design of marriage the young man and woman will be able to make their marriage successful and happy, and lower the present rate of divorces and wrecked homes. The knowledge of design will also go far to assist each in preparing for marriage as he should. In every case careful and serious thought should be given before taking the vows of marriage.
Credit H.E. Phillips and HEPhillips.org
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